500 Days of Summer !!

500 days of summer !!

No it has nothing to do with summer season. It is a Hollywood movie (a love story) which revolves around a gal known as SUMMER and how she influences a person,s life in 500 days. The lead actor (dont remember the name ..lets call him X) and lead actress (summer) are supposedly in love and then one day suddenly the gal (summer) marries someone else voluntarily.

A scene towards the last touched me a lot. After her marriage the gal comes to meet Mr. X, and X wants to know why she married someone else. She replied that with Mr. X she never felt the need to settle down and when she met this another guy (Mr. Y), she felt she had to settle down. And apparently she could not give any logical reason for not settling with Mr. X besides her feeling. However she did confess that she still loved Mr. X and had a fabulous time with him . I kind off loved and hated the girl at the same time. I loved her for the candid confession of the exact feelings. However i guess that is the precise reason i hated her !!

But yes i think that scene really shook me. Why are we so concerned in defining the relationship ? Why we constantly give input based on where we can take this relationship ? Why dont we focus on the present and use it to the fullest with our loved one ? Is it so important to tag every relationship? I mean if i look at my relation also, all i have been doing is trying to define the future prospect of the relationship that too to no vain. Why the hell didnt i spend those beautiful moments i could have spent with her without thinking of where it was going and where i wanted to take it ? The only logical explanation i can garner at this moment is the fear of being emotionally hurt.

However i feel that i have been totally wrong throughout. There is absolute no guarantee that any relationship would last the distance or not. For example, there may be mutual love between a boy and a girl, yet they may not be able to take it to marriage due to umpteen external factors. Even if they marry, they may not lead a good relationship or may decide to separate in the future. All these are found to result in a lot of pain. Hence i guess the best thing is to live and enjoy the time you get to spend with your loved one without being too analytical on where it is actually heading (Bcoz most likely you would not be able to control the ultimate fate)...

Just one last thing for the gal i still love, if u happen to read this someday in your life .. I would like to tell you "I am sorry for not giving you what i cud have during those 2-3 years" (just kept thinking about the net 30 years that never came )..

Defining the Limit !!

The most difficult for me has always been defining the limit. Every passion that goes out of control becomes a obsession. But to judiciously draw a line between the two is an ardent task. I can always think of that particular scene in the movie BORDER when Sunny Deol walks towards the Pakistan Border and terms it as courage while his colleague calls it insanity. Even though the task of identifying limits may be pain taking but it is definitely worth the pain as probably there are very few things in our life where are absolute must for our living.

I remember during our 11-12th standard at DPS, we were literally trained as terrorists for cracking IIT-JEE. We were constantly taught that our sole purpose to be born on this planet is to get through the prestigious gates of IIT (seems ridiculous but true). I was amongst one of the many students who believed this to be true and IIT became a passion and dont know when an obsession. Similarly during engineering days, i kept preparing for civil services with a lot of passion, just to sit here five years down the line, not having even filled the UPSC form even once.

I loved/love (confused..) this gal whom i wanted/want to settle with for the past 3 years. But now i think the right time has passed and it stays with me with just an obsession whose utility will end as soon as the mission would be accomplished. I think probably these are the three instances in life when i have been not able to segregate my passion and obsession. Ironically i have been unsuccessful in achieving all the three, but yet i claim to lead a happy life at this very moment.

Bottom line is " DEFINE THE LIMITS, THERE ARE THINGS WHERE YOU CAN UTILIZE YOUR PASSION WITHOUT GETTING INTO OBSESSION "

Random Thought XIV

Boy to Girl: I can commit suicide by jumping from your ego to your IQ !!

Random Thought XIII

I did my graduation in engineering (science) , went on to pursue MBA (commerce) in my PG and have been studying philosophy and psychology (arts) ever since...

Fallacy of the good, bad and evil !

INTRO

I always wonder why all epic mythological tales such as Mahabharata and Ramayana; despite all odds are always twisted in favor of so called "Good".Today all these mythological texts and books provide us constant inspiration to be "good" human beings but not necessarily the most happy (probably good people are not necessarily the most happiest) . Is it just a reporting of certain historical facts based on some evidences or something more !! For a second lets suppose one of these epic stories would have ended in the favor of the so called "Bad". Imagine the sweeping impact this could have on the society.

BACKGROUND/ANALYSIS

One thing known for a fact is that humans have basic instincts. To keep these instincts under check so as to maintain the sustainability of our species we have something called as rules which have been dictated by the society. While we assume these rules to occupy a larger than life figure in our own lives, somewhere we forget that clearly the society is biased towards continuation of our species more than our happiness. Also contrary to what we may want to believe , we are not philanthropic species. Infact we are out rightly selfish and there is nothing "bad' about it as even the genesis of our birth is itself based on greed.

I feel it out rightly ugly when people hopelessly and desperately try themselves to be labeled as "good" people. Are we blind or what? Why are we attracted intuitively more towards the bad than towards the good ? Why breaking rules is always more interesting than obeying them? The reason is simple.. we have instincts and we have to respect them. One of these instincts is to engage in fights and emerge winner (very common amongst animals especially for mating and territory). So here we have our society who leverages our basic instinct to make us understand through several channels that the "Good" always wins over the "Evil". Hence if you want to win you have to be a "Good" human being just like all our great GODS.

CONCLUSION

I am no expert to remark anything about the validity of these historical epics but sure i understand their purpose. I may not understand the behavior of society but sure i understand its intent. Sure i try to defy the society now and then to gratify my instincts but still i respect it ... because at the end of the day we have to be honest and humble enough so as to accept that we are no more but just a facilitator in the evolution of a superior species (I know it sounds lame... but that does not make it false..lol)

Random Thought XII

Why it is invariably always easier to ignore the obvious truth rather than accepting it !!

Random Thought XI

40% of my problems are caused due to a girl ; the remaining 60% due to the situation which involves this girl (Wonder who is more to blame: Me or the girl !!)

Random Thought X

Sanity calms but madness is more interesting.. :)

Random Thought IX

Emotion is a mechanism which I use to deviate from the normal course of my action in the misguided hope of becoming happier

Random Thought VIII

Life cycle of all addictive things... First u hate them, then u resist them, finally u try them, enjoy them and then u crave for them..

Random Thought VII

Life is a sum total of all those moments the essence of which may not be captured by using even a million words ....

Quotes I

Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? ~Maurice Freehill

Random Thought VI

One day, someone showed me a glass of water that was half full. And he said, "Is it half full or half empty?" So I drank the water. No more problem.

Random Thought V

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth..

Random Thought IV

The only reason why man is called a social animal is to enable the society to corrupt our brains in exchange of the false sense of emotional security it promises to bring..

Random Thought III

Fear of failure is a double edged sword which keeps you trying certain things you want to and keeps you unnecessarily trying others at the cost of being unrealistic..

Random Thought II

A nihilist is a man who judges of the world as it is that it ought not to be, and of the world as it ought to be that it does not exist..

Random Thoughts I

I trained myself for fighting my enemies, as it ultimately unfolds; I am my biggest enemy..

Planned vs Actual

Actually had been wanting to write this post since long... Finally i am glad i am sharing this.. The story of my life is the sum total of strange deviations from my planned state... Here are some of these deviations.. Wud like to start from class 10th onwards

Planned - I would top the state in social studies ( Had never scored less than 99 in any social studies exam in class 10th )

Actual - Ended up just scoring 78 ( My lowest in all the subjects... Not even top 10 in my class)



Planned - I would clear IIT-JEE and study in some IIT ( Had worked out day night for IIT as at that moment life beyond JEE did nt exist)

Actual - Cud not give my last exam i.e. Mathematics on the IIT mains day due to health concerns


Planned - I would clear CIVIL SERVICES EXAM and probably become an IAS (Hated Engg.. gave 3 full years for IAS prep)

Actual - Did not even fill the form of CIVIL services once ever in my life.


Planned - Studied a lot of finance as i though some day i will be CEO of a MNC.

Actual- Ended my corporate career after exactly 375 days..


Planned - Hated east India like hell... Thought of never even coming to Kolkatta or any nearby place unless ofcourse..

Actual- Today i am in Bhubaneswar and have plans to be in this city for probably rest of my life


Planned - Proposed a gal whom i have loved the most in my life (Thought she would be perfect match for me to complement me in quest of life)

Actual- She never declined my offer... i withdrew my offer atleast 4-5 times in the next 2-3 years ( Though the experience did immensely help me in the quest of life)


Planned- I was scared to live alone...

Actual - Today i do not mind staying alone.


I do not know how many such incidents would happen in the future. But all these incidents have vowed me to raise a fundamental question regarding the utility of planning for me.. I mean something is definitely wrong either I do not understand my priorities (highly unlikely) , my planning skills is flawed (somewhat likely) or the process/concept in itself is flawed (highly probable in my case)... Dont exactly know the reasons behind the above deviations but surely these deviations have added a distinct flavor to my life..:)

"WHAT IS PREDICTABLE IS STALE AND DEVOID OF FUN"

CAT 2010 experience

12:30 pm- Still in my dreams (The mobile's alarm and my mother' s call attempt to wake me had proved grossly ineffective).. Never the less as she tells me she kept on trying..

12: 45 pm - Some success... some body movements and i disconnect the call... Normally this is a symbol that i have fully waken.. However this time this was the symbol signaling " Please do not disturb and let me sleep".

1:00 pm- My sister wanted to wish me luck and hence she called me.. as expected i did not pick up the phone ( Too busy with Morpheus..hehe)... She understood probably i am still sleeping..

1:15 pm - Finally Morpheus probably goes for a loo break and my mother is able to grab my attention and says " Its already 1:15pm, dont u have to give ur exam today".. My response " Kaunsa exam ab ma, itne to de diye..lol".........She yells at the top of her voice " CCCAAAAAAAAATTTTT"... and i truly wake up.

1:20 pm - Shit i am late..what to do.. what all i need to take to the centre besides myself.. somehow managed to get ready (to the extent possible) in next 15 minutes.. got the print out of the admit card and finally drove to the centre...

2:00 pm- Somehow i was able to track my way to the centre... Enter the college premises where a thorough search is going on as if all of us are potential terrorists (P.S. If looks were a factor i definitely seemed the most likely choice for any terrorist outfit).. Suddenly a man grabs my attention and asks me " Are you here for the exam".. I said yes.. and he starting frisking me in all nooks and corners to search for some evidence not let me in .. All he found was a movie ticket, a photo of DP (attached with the ticket), some chewing gun... He amusingly asks referring to DP pic "Ye kya hai bhaisaab".... (My potential reply "Tumhari bhabhi hai ab unko to la nahi sakta photo ko hi le jao") My actual reply "Nothing, You can keep it and he gladly accepted the offer"


2:30 pm- Finally i am in... A bengali guy is taking my photograph and finger prints.. Apparently i am so lost he gives me perils of wisdom "Aap ghabraiye nahi first time sabke saath aisa ho hota hai, but aap koshish keejiye" (What is he is actually referring to when he says first time..lol) and i was like WTF but still nodded in full agreement... He started again " Lagta hai aapne bahut mehnat keri hai is situation tak aane ke liye"... I nodded " Sir u are right i have worked out day and night to come to this situation"..... Finally no more questions and advices.. Everything is complete and i am freed.


2:45 pm- First round of sleep in full progress amidst anxious aspirants around who are extremely irritated by the long delay ( not me i wished the paper would never start and i would keep sleeping like this in this air conditioned room)

2:50 pm- "Excuse me, are you fine" asks one of the prometric female invigilators in her late 20's.. Yes mam i am just fine just feeling a lill sleepy out of sheer nervousness for the exam.. We will just start in some time.. Dont sleep.. I nod my head and GO BACK TO SLEEP.

3:05 pm- Wake up... Have u come here to sleep or give the exam.. If i see u sleeping again i wud throw u out of the room... Again a dedicated nod, a yawn and i sleep..

3:15 pm- Mr. Varun what are u doing? I will seriously throw you out (at the top of her voice and i wake up looking totally lost).. Suddenly she calms out a little bit.. I know u r tense ( I am ?? how the hell i didnt realise tht) but everything is gng to be fine (P.S. dont knw but her face resembled DP... i think i was having a hangover) spent the next 10 minutes looking around and one or two more females looked like DP (DP all around total bliss)

3:30 pm- Finally DP1 (Prometric female) comes and enters some password and starts my test... Says dont wry everything would be fine... next one and half hour went on fine with me engrossed with the paper to solve the question paper..

5: 00 pm- My paper was 80% completed judging by my vision...Starting to feel hungry..called DP 1 ..

Me- Mam i am feeling hungry..

DP1- "What"...

Me- I am feeling hungry and i want to eat something...

DP1 - "You are not allowed to go out"

Me- I will faint if i do not eat anything

DP1- " (after some thinking).. I have an apple do u think tht wud help"

Me- Ya sure it will do wonders (lol)

Soon i get my apple.. The guy sitting besides me was completely befuddled by my act (So was i but like they say Necessity is the mother of all inventions)

6:00 pm- Finally the marathon paper ends.. Just want to sit the bed.. was just sitting with my head down...suddenly there was a feminine voice "I have seen you somewhere" and then there was a lull... I raised to head to see what was happening and too my utter dismay (both pleasant and unpleasant) she was talking to me only (To my horrors she also resembled lill bit like DP so i call her DP2)

Me- Ahh!! U talking to me ?

DP2- Sure i am !! Dont u remember me ?

Me- (My memory is usually very gud but at tht moment remembering my own name was also a herculean task)... Do i know you !! Can t recollect ( though i want to trust me)..

DP2- Our bags got exchanged at Big bazaar couple of weeks back !!

Me- They did (Could not recollect a single bit had a surprised look on my face).. Ya sure she did (When she is saying huye hi hongey DP wudnt lie..:)

DP2- My name is Shruti...

Me- My name is Varun ( Meanwhile we had moved out of the lab)

DP2- So how did your exam go (before i cud answer).. Mine went well i attempted some 37-38 questions...

Me- I was blank ( had attempted 57 questions.. hehe wanted to say it was tough since i left 2 in quants and 1 in DI)... Ya it was ok (Did i say ok..lol)

DP2- You are a student at ERUDITE! (Looked at the bag i was carrying)

Me- No no not exactly a student.. I am..

DP2- Ohh so u just have got the bag from some relative of yours who studied there.. I also regularly go that ( Me smiling with nothing to say)

Me- Actually i am a trainer in QA and DI ( Did not want to say this.. but still was in love with the bed :( )

DP2- Ohh.. (Lill shocked).. Btw what is your full name?

Me- Varun Singhal (scared what she was up to..)

DP2- I have heard your name (in the good sense or the bad sense i was wondering).. did not know u teach at ERUDITE

Me- Now u know ( A big terrorist smile)

DP2- Yaa... Teach me some quant some day(thank god not today)... i m weak..

Me- So am i... (both have a laugh) will be mutually beneficial

DP2- (her father arrives).. My dad has come.. gotta leave.. Tk.. Nice meeting u !!

Me- Terrorist smile again ( me also happy to meet u and happy/sad that u have left)


7:30 pm- Reached home... Had some milk.. Into the bed.. Phone switched off (end of an eventful day)

CAT 2010 for you !! (DEDICATED TO DP, I owe my 99.61 percentile to DP1 and partially to DP2)..lol

The night before CAT 2010

CAT 2010 was one of my finest experience (saying bcoz the result was the best).. Hence definitely worth a description..

I am a hard core believer of partying hard before the CAT exam (will be proved at the end).. My CAT 2010 slot was similar to the CAT 2009 slot i.e. 1st day 2nd slot... My show timing was 3:30 pm to 6:00 pm (27th Nov)... This time wanted to go in a relaxed state... Hence this is how i spent the previous night.

Nov 26th (7: 30 pm) - I am getting bored feeling lill sleepy... have CAT tomorrow.. should not sleep early..hmmm,, kya karon.. Lets go for a movie... Scan for the latest movies and narrow down on one of them - BREAK KE BAAD

8:00 pm - Some 250 mad and most of them desperate junta trying to get a ticket either by hook or crook.. A guy probably college student remarks to his colleague "Suna hai chamiya (deepika) ne bahut kam kapda pehna hai"... This comment made it evidently clear that getting ticket even in black would be an ardent task... Luckily found a student of mine sumwhere in the queue and asked him to buy a ticket for me (The guy realising that its me gave me a stern look as if saying AAP BHI and i apparently replying BHAI HUM BHI INSAN HAI... )

8:40 pm- Finally i got the ticket... Started to roam about the whole complex eyeing all the steamy fosters of DP all around.. No wonder there was a stampede for a ticket ( Dont Blame the Guys..lol)...

8:55 pm- Finally the gates open and i rush to occupy my seat almost located centrally. Normally i tend to just casually tend to look around before the movie starts..But not today ( Had seen enuf at the ticket counter and was sure of the utter futility of the act)...

9;05 pm- Finally the much awaited moment comes when the movie starts.. Roars all around the theatre.. Within the first 5 minutes , had DP's entry fully cladded in a saree still the guys were so desperate that there was a huge round of whistling.. (Apparently my neighbor was disappointed at the entry and said "Isne saree kyun pehni hai" ...DP shayd bura man gayi and for the remaining movie she did not wear anything apparently even knee length ... no wonder my neighbor loved the movie)

10:15 pm- Finally a much deserved break from the movie and DP (Yes excess of everything is bad including DP).. Had managed to bring in some sprite mixed with absolute vodka which i was sipping in with childish pleasure... Full on delight (HEAVENLY)

11:30 pm- Some cinema guy comes in and wakes me up.. " Bhaiya DP chali gayi ab aap bhi jayiye"... hehe i had slept in my chair for the full 2nd half (I repented for having missed DP)... The vodka has started hitting me.. Anyways i quickly picked up my adulterated limca solution and moved out...

Midnight- Safely reached home (nothing came in my way or i wud have definitely hit it).. My head was still aching but no signs of sleep... I decided to have some more limca and with nothing to do much decided to watch MATRIX... Started with Matrix and ended at 6:30am with Matrix Revolutions... A true mental revolution was going on ( The magical combination of absolute vodka and morpheus philosophy " FREE UR MIND") Definitely i was totally free at that moment..

6;32 am - My mom calls... Just to see whether i have woken for not.. big day CAT exam (hehe)..
Oh no.. i have yet to sleep due to some health issue, electricity issue and the amalgamation of various other issues.. Told her i am feeling very sleepy. Please wake me up at 12:30 so that i can leave by 1:30 pm for the center.. I told her this bit and hung the phone.

TO be continued..

Snap !!

Yesterday took a look at your snap

Desperately started searching for your lap

Apparently aware of its absence on my map

Losing my nap in all this apparent crap

Just want to constantly admire your beauty

For I feel it is my sacrosanct duty

Somebody stop me from getting addicted

This drug is the only way I will be perished

Hoping myself to be infinitely strong

And expecting to go on and on

I somehow always prove myself wrong

But seems I am on some endless song

You are an essence I will always miss

I will probably die in the search of that one magical kiss

It completely fits my definition of complete bliss

The chances of fulfilling which is anybody’s guess

Serendipity

Accepting the universal ‘truth’ of being a social human

We all act in a terribly discomforting monotonous unison

How can we call we so ignorant so get lured by this illusion

Life is definitely a more vibrant and colorful fusion

We all are motivated by the same materialistic things

Surely we can’t be so childish to sacrifice our own wings

I dare to fly against all the worldly illusionary pains

Which the society creates to corrupt my brains

Call me insane, call me mad

I somehow know I am not that bad

Yes the world has definitely made me bitterly sad

But no longer can I sit with my hand on hand

Let me sing and dance till this world blasts

Alas! I can do this till this madly bliss lasts

It’s a dream I have always cherished

How wonderful will it be to get perished?

My tryst with gals finally ends

My tryst with gals finally ends

For there are huge past mistakes I need to amend

They always land me in miserable situations I cannot withstand

Is it too staunch a message to send?

It’s the time to act insane

Once again be hearty and hale

Forget all the associated misery and pain

For which apparently there is no gain

I hope I can keep up my word

For breaking it would be something completely weird

You never know I may just end up as a nerd

For it is love itself I am up against

Love is not pure or divine

For it is the business of all witches and swines

I wish to fall in love with a shrine

If not anything at least I can claim its mine

Breakup

Constantly breaking the various pristine dreams saw in unison

Butchering the myriad embellish promises made in blissful madness

I try to move on with utter sincerity and dedicated consciousness

Every day starting afresh with a new vengeance just to fail in cheer elegance

Knowing very well the majestic essence I carry of you in every sense

Surely it must be utter nonsense to think of you in every essence

And to keep hesitantly waiting for you endlessly at the fence

But I claim to have my one sided love in defense

With memories being my only fortune to cherish

I hold back my mind, thinking if I would perish

Surely I cannot be so silly to think so childish

But your absence makes my life so pale and bearish

I can endlessly pray to God in wishful hopes of getting you back

Though somewhere I am out rightly afraid to face the brunt again and be sacked

Surely I need to have immense faith as emotions is not something I lack

But I need to pay homage to your illusionary knack